Don’t Suffer With Post-Divorce Depression
Share
Over four in ten men who seek help following a divorce or separation have experienced suicidal thoughts. Julian Bremner, Partner and Financial Arbitrator at Rayden Solicitors has shared his insights.
According to research*, men are at a higher risk of developing major depressive disorder for the first time after a divorce than other genders. Men are also less likely to seek help for their mental health, with only 36%** of all NHS referrals for psychological therapies submitted for men.
This comes as a recent report*** revealed that over four in ten men who seek help following a divorce or separation have experienced suicidal thoughts.
With this in mind, Julian Bremner, Partner and Financial Arbitrator at Family Law firm Rayden Solicitors has shared his insights into how men can better protect their mental health after a divorce.
- Look to the Future
Picture and picture very clearly, and in as much detail as you like, where you want to be in 3- or 5-years’ time.
Once you have that image in your mind, focus on it always. Imagine yourself having moved past this process, in a home with which you are happy spending time with your children and loved ones, with enough money coming in to be comfortable and at a point with your ex where you can be cordial and in the same room as each other.
This last point is particularly important if you are going to need to co-parent. There are going to be events (engagements, weddings etc.) where you and your former partner will need to be present and not be a burden or cause for worry for your children.
“Parties that can take that sort of view are less susceptible to responding intemperately to triggers and pressure that will occur in the divorce process and will ultimately have a better chance of achieving the successful outcome they want because they will not engage in the negative minutia and looking forward provides a realism that will enable you to accept the compromises that inevitably happen to achieve a robust and satisfactory settlement”, says Bremner.
- Keep busy
This is a good time to be looking for other things to be doing. Spending time with friends, starting a new hobby or sport, or getting back into the sport that you used to love but had set aside.
Taking up something new will enable you to meet other people and help re-establish who you are now that you have separated.
“I cannot stress enough how easy it is for parties to fall into a pain cycle if there are no external diversions. In this regard, it is easier for people who are working full-time or part-time as their employment means they are distracted.
But, it also means ensuring that you have things to do in your free time. For some parties, on relationship breakdown, there is a sudden void. What used to be time with your partner is now time which you are free”, he adds.
- Avoid ‘emotional vampires’
There are people out there who feed on the negative processes others are going through.
These people often come disguised as help and support but actually, there is something about your situation that is feeding them and these people will often make your situation worse and not better. Their helpful support and advice will turn to the negative and they will accelerate hostilities between you and your former partner.
Julian adds, “Quite often, these parties will “come out of nowhere”, being acquaintances that you didn’t know quite so well before or even at all. Suddenly there with such firm support at a time when everyone needs a crutch to lean on. However, if you do not know this person well – step back sometimes, and listen to whether the advice that party is giving you is helping, hindering or worsening the situation.”
- Seek professional help
The end of a relationship causes significant changes. People indeed change on relationship separation as they try and re-find their feet as an individual, particularly if the relationship they have been in has been long.
“Everyone needs help sometimes and speaking to a properly trained counsellor or psychotherapist or a psychologist is often of real assistance.”
Anthony Joshua’s nutritionist shares healthy food hacks & cheat day tips
